Thoughts: Hannah's Blog

Dear Bride-To-Be,

As you are on the verge of getting married, I thought I should pen down this note. Marriage is an important step in your life. It is God-ordained, He did it in the Garden of Eden. When Jesus came into this world, the first sign that He performed was at a wedding, He did not just fulfil the lack, but He blessed them with the best when they sought His help. May God bless you in and through your marriage. May Christ be the centre of it all. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. – Proverbs 14:1

As a woman, God has bestowed us with a great responsibility of building up our house. May God grant us the wisdom to be wise. The choices that we make could have generation-wide consequences (Sarah and Lot’s wife). A good example would be Abigail (1 Samuel 25) When she knew the imminent danger to her household, she acted wisely and quickly and averted the danger. May we be such prudent woman – Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. – Proverbs 19:14

Till now you would have been under the love and care of your parents, in the safety of your home but now you are beginning your journey into unknown waters. It could feel terrifying but do not fear, have God as your anchor. As you set SAIL – here are a few things that would be of help along the way.

Say It

Communication is key. It sounds like an easy task for woman because we tend to talk a lot – but what we talk also matters. Especially when we are angry! I’ve seen two types of people – one who shout their heart out or whatever that comes out of the mouth at that point of time and another who keeps quiet and starts a cold war or erect a wall of silence. “In your anger, do not sin; Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold”. So what we do when we are angry – matters. Anger is a natural emotion, but what we do as a result of it could lead us to sin – further problems. So let the communication channels be always open between you two and do not give devil any foothold.

I came to know of a book called the “Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I’d recommend you to read it along with your spouse, take up the test to find out what yours and your spouse’s primary love language is and learn to express love in the language that your spouse primarily understands. It helps to understand the differences between both of you and to bridge that gap in expressing love.

Accept Him

Unconditional love and acceptance. Love them the way they are. Do not try to change him to your idea of how he should be. We all might have a mental picture of how our dream guy should be and when it comes to reality, things might be different. He is not a project, so don’t try to fix him, there may be differences, but love him anyway because Jesus loves you the way you are. Don’t love your spouse because he loves you, or because he does so and so for you or don’t dislike him because he did not do so and so for you. Love is a choice you make everyday. It is a fruit of the Spirit and it is what God expects of you. Love is not self seeking.

Identity

Till now you were someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, now you are going to be someone’s wife, someone’s daughter-in-law, sister-in-law and so many new responsibilities come to you all of a sudden and it could be overwhelming. Do not let yourselves be brought down by identity crisis. Find your worth and identity in Christ. Be established in his love and who he sees you as – his beloved. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. All the days planned for your life are written in his book, he knows the number of your hairs, he holds your tears in his bottle. You are the daughter of the king of kings. Let the burdens of these new roles, not bring you down. Take your cares to Jesus because He cares for you, He daily bears our burdens. So learn to take life one day at a time.

Let go of Ego

Last but not the least. Forgive! Let no bitterness take root in you. Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Let’s face it – problems or disagreements are bound to happen in a marriage. When the person whom you love the most, hurt you – it’s gonna pain the most. A good marriage is a union of two good forgivers.  So with God’s help, learn to let go, be ready to say you are sorry and to make amends. Love keeps no record of wrongs. So don’t keep score, don’t keep bringing up old fights or things that happened in the past.

Finally I’d like to end this note with the advise that I received: Marriage is not 50-50. Divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn’t dividing everything in half, but giving everything you’ve got! Marriage is not a readymade dress. It is a cloth that needs to be measured, cut, stitched. It involves work to make it work. A disclaimer: The above list is in no way an exhaustive list and just because I am doling out some pieces of advice doesn’t mean that I have done perfectly in all of this, I have just made a note of what I am still learning, I have made mistakes and I have fallen, but God in His great mercy has picked me up and made me who I am today. This is just from one sisters’ heart to another. Have a great wedding my dear and may God bless your marriage!

With love,

Hannah